Shepherding a Child's Heart- Communication- Chapter 8-9

Embracing Biblical Methods - Communication 

Over the past few weeks we've read and discussed several different types of parenting techniques

 including everything from bribing your children through various reward systems to punishing techniques

 like time-outs. At the heart of the discussion has been the heart of our children - and the fact that the

 point in parenting isn't simply to control their behavior - but to reach their hearts - 

turning their hearts towards the things of God as they grow in relationship with their Creator. 

I know that I personally have fallen into many of the traps of "manipulating" my children into "behaving" properly rather than staying focused on training them to change their heart. Sometimes I may even go 

through several different techniques in the course of a day. "If you're good in the grocery store - you

 can have a cookie!" Flat out bribery - for my own convenience. Quite frankly, I may very well use that

 one again at my next store visit. But, what this book is showing me is that on a regular basis - my heart 

needs to be in tune with the things of God - so that I can encourage my children to desire to glorify Him 

with their actions and choices. 

Ephesians 6:1  "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right"                                                    Is a Bible verse that we heard frequently while growing up - and now in our own home -

I've used it as our "weekly" memory verse on more than one occasion (sometimes we need refresher 

courses) By instilling these truths in the heart of our children - we can remind them to check

their hearts with what the Bible says instead of "manipulating" them into doing what we want. 

A two way street

I love a quote from Chapter 8 which says "rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline"

Our children need discipline. We must put our God given authority to good work - but godly authority 

does not mean force! Forced behavior does not bring your children closer to the Lord - it has the

opposite effect. Rich communication is not about expressing yourself - but about getting others to

 express themselves instead. "It's about drawing out the thoughts of another" 

Yelling at your children and giving long speeches doesn't facilitate heart change. 

Understanding 

In order to help your children turn their hearts to the Lord - you must first understand what's going on 

with them. They need our guidance - not our control. I see such a difference in disciplining my children 

when the feel secure that I'm on their team. I remind them that I'm there to help them do what's right -

I'm for them and not against them. If they can feel secure in that even when they are "in trouble"- it 

goes a long way towards open and honest communication which leads to getting back on the right track.

You can begin this even with very young children by giving them the words to express how they are 

feeling. Identifying our emotions is a critical part of controlling them - your children will sense that you

are there to help as you guide them through this process. With the youngest it may sound something like

this "I can see that you're upset. Are you feeling angry?" Assuring them that we all have these feelings

is an important part of the communication process. Having feelings is not a sin - it's what we do with 

those feelings that leads to heart changes in one direction or the other. 

Rules, Correction, Discipline 

Every home must have rules. We must be able to correct our children and discipline is needed to teach 

them that there are consequences in life for the choices we make. But if this is the extent of the 

communication in your home - you are missing out on getting to the heart of the matter. 

Shepherding a Child's Heart shows us a different type of "behavior chart" it's more of a "communication" 

chart instead. It goes like this: 

Summary 

People are complicated individuals. Little people are just as complicated and need our help in learning

to understand their emotions, to control themselves, and to communicate. Encouraging healthy and 

rich communication in your home means learning to combine the steps listed in the communication chart

above. For instance- you may rebuke in a way that warns or teaches. You may encourage in a way 

which instructs and entreats.

Bottom Line

The bottom line is that in order to shepherd our children's hearts toward the things of God - we must 

learn to communicate richly with our children. Our kids are born with an innate desire to be close to 

us. By showing genuine interest in understanding them - using patience, love, and gentleness to reach 

out to them - we can guide them and shepherd their hearts. 

*We are fighting spiritual battles on our homefronts - Although we may not win every battle 

We know who ultimately wins the war! May God have the glory in your home this week

Much Love, 

Counting to #1000 Gifts and beyond

#251- Teaching little boys to stick fish like I did as a girl 

#252- Spring days when a "cold front" means 74 degrees and a breeze

#253- Visits to the country 

#254- Fellowship (In)RL with blogger friends 

#255- Kindred hearts

#256- Historic lighthouse field trip with a view 

#257- Dolphins jumping in the pass 

#258- Communication with my boys 

#259- Boys learning Bible verses 

#260- Little hearts turning to Jesus 

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