Our Mission is to prepare them (our children) to fulfill the God-ordained places in this world – their occupational calling, their calling as future spouses and parents, their calling as citizens, and their callings as Christians.” -pg. 20
“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” Isaiah 30: 21
“And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness…but the redeemed shall walk there: And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.” Isaiah 38:8-10
In our family - we've decided that time is one of the main factors in training and preparing our children to lead the life God has for them. Each of them has special gifts and character traits God intends to use for good in this life. It's our job to nurture and encourage them.
God puts families together in various ways - through birth and through adoption are the ways He chose to put ours together. As parents, we need to believe that He gives us the resources and abilities we need to nurture and train our children to serve Him.
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not depart from it.”Proverbs 22:6
We lead by example. Our children are ever watching and listening to the way we handle life's challenges. When the going gets tough . . . they see to Whom we turn for direction. When others don't see . . . they do. Our children know our hearts and they follow our lead.
By investing time in our children, by leading a good example and continually turning to the Lord - by listening carefully to their needs, thoughts, and desires - and loving unconditionally we can show them Jesus.
We prepare and teach them in many ways including discipline, responsibility, accountability to God. We teach obedience to God, and personal relationship with Him. We lead the way by digging in and sharing the Word with them.
We can't be afraid to admit when we are wrong, and to ask them for forgiveness. We must be quick to forgive and quick to point to Jesus. We must open our hearts and share our failures, not be (or appear to be) something they can never live up to.
We must remind them in word and deed that God has a plan for their life and expect them to live up to that potential. We must encourage and build them up.
God has placed our children in our homes because we have what it takes to train them. If we only lean on Him - seek His truth for them and rely on God's Word and the Holy Spirit to guide us- His plan will be fulfilled in our families.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall directyour paths." Proverbs 3: 5-6
What are we teaching our children if we always manage to find time for baseball or soccer
practice - yet can't seem to squeeze in quiet time in the Word each day?
What priorities are we living out loud?
A favorite quote from chapter 6:
"A biblical worldview dictates that you should teach your children to exercise and care for their
bodies as an expression of stewardship of God's gifts."
I would like to add that the same can be said for stewardship of the earth -
it is our responsibility to care for the earth and all God created.
One of the ways we "live that out-loud" in our family life is during our process of
"Exploring God's Creation" - we have an ongoing family goal to examine - explore - and learn about
the things of the earth - from the perspective that we can know God better through that
examination. Our children are learning on a daily basis that it is all by Him - and for Him - and
that He created the earth and all that is in it - at least in part - to communicate Himself to us.
It is this kind of daily nurturing of our children's minds and hearts towards the things of God
through family worship on a regular basis - that we impart these truths to our children.
In our home - the mention of the things of God - flows in regular conversation throughout the day.
It isn't a subject we study in school - or something we do on Sunday
It is a way of life - living - breathing - and communicating the things of God.
"Teaching your children to live for the glory of God must be your overarching objective"
This is the worthy goal of parenting - all else falls right into place behind it.
"Biblically, the method (of parenting) is as important as the objectives"
Many of the parenting techniques applied and acceptable in today's society are superficial.
They address the behavior of the child - they even may successfully train the child to perform in an
exemplary manner - impressive to the world- but they aren't addressing the heart issues.
Technically - if you modify the behavior - you do indeed modify the heart - as they are so closely linked
but, most of the methods used today are not biblically sound.
By rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior - what are we really training in the heart?
If a child learns based on these methods - they are basically learning greedy self-interest and going
about the process of obtaining rewards instead of choosing to do what is right for the sake of
doing what is right - and glorifying God with their life.
"Behaviorism" works - it works well - children are smart and human nature dictates that they should follow after a system which rewards them. It does not however, turn their heart to God.
1 Samuel 2:30 Therefore the LORD God of Israel says, I said indeed that your house, and the house of your father, should walk before me forever: but now the LORD says, Be it far from me; for them that honor me I will honor, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.
We see behavior modification, emotional approach, bribery approach, punitive approach -
If the heart is the well-spring of life - which it is
How are any of these methods biblical? They aren't!
I have fallen into the trap of working towards behavior modification myself - the book clubs we have done - both the "How to Have a Heart For Your Kids" and now this one "Shepherding a Child's Heart"
have both helped me to reshape my goals as a parent. It's making a difference in our home. It's making a change in me - and in turn - it's making a change in the hearts of my children.
I encourage you to read them for yourself - you can find other book club posts here at The Pelsers
And I count. . . . . to #1000 Gifts and beyond:
#241 - heart changes
#242- time to watch the birds
#243- quiet moments before the boys get up
#244- real change
#245- seeing God move in the hearts of my children
#246- hearing brothers pray together without my instruction
#247- biblical priorities taking shape in our home
#248- healing hearts
#249- family pulling together to encourage each other in Christ
#250- seeing the passion ignite to show others our Jesus
Linking with these great blogs:
*there are affiliate links in my post - if you purchase through one of these links - I do make a profit for our family - I do not condone products unless we love them - selling these books is not the purpose of this article but to share with you what I'm learning and how we are growing through reading them - thank you
Navigating life's trails can be more than a little difficult at times.
We keep paddling on, rowing ahead, moving forward.
Or go around in circles.
Sometimes I find myself going around in circles.
Accepting your children is one of the most important things you can do for them.
It's easy to accept them when they are doing what's right.
It becomes a bit more difficult if you have extenuating circumstances that cause tension and stress.
Some are faced with problems in their home that feel out of control and even hopeless.
I'm here to tell you that no situation is hopeless.
God can work miracles in your home - your family - your children. He is working miracles in mine! Really.
As I read chapter 3 in Rachael Carman's book -
I became more and more convicted about something in particular. My face.
Yup. My face. Also my tone of voice - but I hear myself speak, so I at least am a bit more aware of my tone than I usually am of - my facial expressions.
Children are so very perceptive.
They know when they are loved - and my children are all loved.
They know when they are respected and cared for - and my children are all respected and cared for.
They know when they are ACCEPTED - and my children . . . . may be reading mixed messages in my face.
Shocking. I know. But seriously, I have one child in particular who really knows how to push buttons.
And, you talk about stubborn, I've NEVER met anyone so stubborn. Sometimes he pushes me beyond what I feel capable of handling. I've questioned my parenting skills like never before. It makes me tired!
He's brilliant. He's extremely creative. He's beautiful. He can be the sweetest, most charming child on the planet. He has charisma that can charm and entertain a whole room full of people!
God has brought him out of a very bad situation
He's been RESCUEDfrom a life of neglect and rejection that landed him in foster care -
and God placed him in our home. In my care.
I love him. He is my baby.
Even when he's been misbehaving - when he walks into the room
I want him to see my face light up! I want him to SEE love ALWAYS in my face -
love and ACCEPTANCE - I don't want to let stress wear me down
I don't have to - (it isn't in his best interest - isn't real love) to accept the behavior - but him I accept him and I want to make sure he hears it, knows it, and sees it in my face!
If I hesitate when he walks in the room - if I take a second to wonder what he may have just
been up too or if he's hiding something - what is he seeing in my face in those seconds?
Chapter 3 is about a radical change of perspective - I want his perspective to be simple total love an acceptance for who he is and continual encouragement to do what is right.
I want him to KNOW :
Ephesians 2 : 10 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
He is chosen and has good work to do!
I must NOT grow weary in making sure he knows that
Teaching all my boys about God's Word and helping them memorize scripture is one of the ways I am
helping to prepare them for whatever God has planned for them
Now, if their mommy can just walk it daily - we'll be in good shape!
If you haven't read the book - I hope you will - It is one of my favorite ever!
On Thursday I'll be the featured blogger sharing my heart on chapter 4
"Release Them To God"
I hope you'll check back as I'll be sharing a personal story of how I had to let go of my oldest
child - both figuratively and literally - and place him in God's hands.
It was the most difficult moment of my life!
#1000 Gifts of Gratitude and beyond:
160. Books from God that teach me
161. The Word that sustains me
162. Being convicted and making changes
163. Grace when I don't get it right
164. Family game night
165. Strangers in Publix
166. Cuddles in the morning
167. Little smiling faces
168. Little boys with proud puffed up chests
169. Encouraging mamas who "get it"
*It has been such a blessing to interact with you - to pray for you - and to be
encouraged by you! I love how these passages in Ephesians 1 sort of
"bring it all home" for me as it calls us to live by Paul's example in praising God
through good times and bad- to seek wisdom - to believe that God has the
answers we seek - and to live like true children of the King - worthy of our inheritance
all a part of the same family - brothers and sisters in Christ- loving, encouraging,
and praying for one another!
There is no "big mystery" to living the way we are called to. . . .
Walk in LOVE!
Do that by praying and reading God's word - knowing that we are not our own
We are bought with a price and we are free to live like
children of the King - daughters of the Living God!
It's an exciting concept. We are "whole" we are "pure" and we are
"free" to walk in Love -
Love for Christ, Love for our families, Love for others
"18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,
19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,
20Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,"
Whatever your situation today, know that God loves you, He will grant you wisdom
and understanding - This same God who raised Jesus from the grave - has called us
all to be "part of the body" - loving each other - praying for each other-
I'm a child of the King - now I need to live like it
by walking in LOVE!
Are you praying for the body of Christ? Are you walking in love and
lifting each other up with encouragement?
Some of you are! Some of you bless me on a regular basis and
"Success in marriage does not come merely in finding the right mate,
but through being the right mate." Barnett R. Brickner
We may be a scruffy, beachy mess in this picture- but we are a happy mess!
In almost 12 years of marriage, we've experienced it all-
the good times, and also the bad.
There are times when it is easy to be the mate I'm supposed to be
and also times when it takes REAL WORK.
It takes work to build up your spouse when you want to take them down instead.
There was a time in my marriage when that was the case for me.
I was angry because I didn't like the way some things in our life had been handled.
I was hurt, and I was scared for our future. That made me angry.
So, I was NOT the most pleasant woman to be around.
I let it fester to the point
where my poor hubs couldn't do anything "right" in my eyes.
I finally gave in and laid it all down at the feet of Jesus.
I asked God to help me let go of the anger and hurt feelings so that I could
begin to be the spouse I am supposed to be.
It didn't happen overnight- but God began to heal my heart.
I started with one thing each day that I could be thankful for - I've shared in another
post that it started out pretty pitifully with something like
"Thank you Lord that he doesn't beat me"
(sad, but true- I was that far gone that I had a very difficult time seeing the good)
It got easier as I repeated my "gratitude mantra" throughout each day.
"Thank you Lord that Mark is such a hard worker"
"Thank you that he gives everything to his family - all he has- all he is - for us"
"Thank you God that my husband truly loves me"
God healed my heart to the point that I find it difficult to even remember what was so
wrong in the first place. He took my lousy attitude and covered it with grace!
What does this all have to do with the book club and having a heart for your kids?
PLENTY !!!
As a matter of fact it has EVERYTHING
to do with it
Kids learn to model behavior they see. They need to know that even though
life isn't always perfect - their parents and their family unit is in it together.
We are a team, and we aren't just managing to "make it through" each day -
we care enough to put effort into enriching our marriage.
Our marriage is our foundation.
Ways to "enrich" your marriage: Bring back the romance! Put the kiddos to bed early or have older ones keep them
in an upstairs play room or a bed room playing board games, and have a candle light dinner.
One of our favorite things to do is to take a walk on the beach together. Even with the kids in tow,
they can run up ahead while we hang back and hold hands and stroll!
Talk to each other! With three little boys, it can be difficult to have a full conversation with my
husband. Both of us are busy, he works long hours, it's not easy to find the time. Yet, at least
a few times each week we will make sure the kids know not to interrupt us, we close the door,
and just hang out and talk! Schedule it if you have to. Communication matters.
Date Night! As much as I love this idea, I am guilty of not doing it right. You don't have to spend
money on a sitter if you don't have it. Once the kiddos go to bed or are otherwise occupied,
take a walk, play a card game, read together, or have a picnic in the living room! We got pregnant on
our honeymoon, so even on our first year anniversary we had a three month old in tow. Even on a
tight budget, you can find creative ways to enjoy time together.
Physical expressions of love! It's good for your children to see you hug,
or hold hands during family movie night. They may make choking noises or gag when they see you kiss each other in the kitchen, but make no mistake- it warms their heart and gives them
security in a world where that is greatly lacking.
*Flirt! It's simple but true, you were attracted to each other for a reason. You may not feel, look,
or even be young anymore - but you need to get your groove back once in awhile! Put on a bit of lipstick, take time to run a brush through your hair before your husband gets home.
Even if you are exhausted after a long day with kids, it will make you feel better to
pull yourself together and bat those eyelashes just a tad. I struggle with the pain of RA every day of my life, so it's all that more important for me to combat my chronic illness and pull myself together instead of throwing in the towel.
Silly as it may sound- Lipstick is my secret weapon!
It's amazing what taking a few minutes to do the hair and makeup can do for you.
It also shows your husband and children that you care to try to look and feel your best for them!
If you want to Have a HEART For Your Kids . . . . . Enrich your marriage!
(these are just a few of my thoughts on the matter- you can benefit greatly by
reading the book written by Rachael Carman - click the link under the picture of the book
above to get your own copy and join me on a journey to Have a HEART For Your Kids)
If there are big problems or abuse of any kind - please don't hesitate to get help from
a professional counselor. A pro can help you form a safe plan of action to walk your family
through any given situation. God gives us people with special gifts and information to help us.
Ever feel like a broken record with your children?
"Don't fight" "Bring your plate to the kitchen" "Put that back where it belongs"
Homeschool moms are pretty much on 24 - 7 so the list gets even longer.
To my own horror - in a house full of boys -I have even found myself saying things like
"Don't you dare spit in the house" "We do NOT hit each other"
"No hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, fighting"
"Do NOT throw things in the house!"
Well, as tiresome as it may seem - I don't think we are completely off track with
this whole "repetition" thing. This is what the Bible says:
Deuteronomy 6: 7
"And thou shalt teach them diligently to your children, and shalt talk of them
when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way,
and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."
That's a lot of teaching. It's a round the clock kind of thing when you are training children.
Now, verse 7 above isn't actually talking about teaching them "not to fight with your brothers"
Verse 5 before it reads:
"Thou shalt love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul,
and with all your might"
Now, I try to remember this on a regular basis, but I seem to be suffering from some
strange for of amnesia - I call it "momNesia" - If I could just stop myself ahead of time I'd be better off
because when I stop myself from the usual
"Don't hold your brother down on the ground until he screams"
kind of instruction - and remember these verses - I am reminded to focus on
"having a Heart for the Lord"
Then my instruction - the words from my mouth - change to something like this:
"Are you treating each other the way God wants you to?"
"How do you think Jesus feels when He sees you do that to your brother?"
"I'd like y'all to stop and pray and ask God to help you do this the right way"
It's amazing how that can affect my children't attitudes immediately!
I'm still a broken record.
But somehow these words which mirror God's heart for my children
wax much more poetic from the tongue than do the
"I said STOP NOW" variety.
Funny Story - Implementing This "Strategy" :
I just have to share this funny story with you from one of our experiences
The two younger boys - then 4 and 5 years old - were "having a fighting moment"
Instead of breaking it up with time outs or raising my voice -
I simply told the boys they were not in trouble- that I'd like for them to each have a seat
facing each other (again more reassurances they were NOT in time out)
I didn't want to hear "but HE did this , and HE started it"
I calmly said "Boys, I'd like you each to remember how God wants you to talk to
each other - how He wants you to show respect for others"
I went on to explain that they could speak to each other and work it out and then
they were free to get up and go play again.
As hubs and I ducked around the corner to listen - This is what we heard:
Walker said, "OK, Spence - you can go first".
Spencer said, "Thank you! OK, well, Walker - I really hate it when you toot on me!"
Walker - "Yeah, but you've gotta admit- it's pretty funny!"
Spencer - "But it's terrible"
Walker - "Yeah, but then you chase me and it's fun!"
Spence - "Yeah"
They shook hands and got up to go play
My husband and I had to call the paramedics because we were going into convulsions in
the next room laughing so hard and trying not to be heard!
No matter how much fun that experience was,
It can be easier said than done on a regular basis.
In order for me to take charge and lead my all boys household along this path of love
I had better start my day focused on the things of God.
You can bet, that it's my attitude that makes the difference around here!
I must have a Heart for the things of God - and go from rising up until lying down
living the example of that love for my children to really learn it!
There is so much more wisdom to be gained from Rachel's book:
It's too late now to get in on the facebook group discussions, but you can join in here and at Amanda
Pelser's blog link up here on "The Pelsers" - One way or the other, I highly recommend the book - and
I'll be sharing posts weekly here as we read our way through as a group and in an "official" capacity as
a contributor for chapter 4 "Release them to God" - Please join us in this study! We'd love to have you.
*There is so much more to Chapter 1 than I could possibly fit in this post - you can read about how
God is working in the hearts of other moms from the links at The Pelsers
Counting my blessings to #1000:
#122- For new friends and words of encouragement
#123- Freedom of speech and to write :)
#124- God's affirmation
#125- Quiet time of reflection
#126- Washing machine/ dryer
#127- Freedom to worship Him as I see fit
#128- Seeing the Holy Spirit at work in the hearts of my children
#129- Grace when my heart isn't right
#130- A new day and a fresh start
#131- A child's perspective
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